The Time of My Life - Perspective #1

[Original Post 8/20/04]

Time.

"Now" is the only time. But it's already gone.

I have often thought about time. And when I typed the title "The Time of My Life" I realized I would have to differentiate this set of thoughts from others. (I also realized I can't think of that phrase without thinking of "Dirty Dancing" but that's a topic for another time.)

We humans seem to have trouble with this particular aspect of time: we only have a limited supply of it, and once any part of it is gone, it is irretrievable. It is past, in two senses of the word.

So when we spend our time doing anything -- and I mean anything -- have we given any thought to what we will wish we had done with that time, once our time grows short?

Right at this moment, when I am writing this, I am deciding not to do other things. Will I wish, tomorrow or next week or next year or when I'm 64, wish I had done something else with the time it took to write this?

Let's quantify it monetarily. In the time it takes to write this blog, I could go out to a brokerage site and buy 100 shares of some stock. A year from now, that stock will have done something. Because I spent time writing this, I did not get the gain, or take the loss, from that stock.

I have 400 pages of stories to read in "The Year's Best Science Fiction: 2003." I could pick up "Frankenstein" instead and try to get through it. Or I could go back to read "The Stand" again, which has been tempting since I saw the mini-series again recently. But I can't do all three at the same time. And once I've done any of them, will I wish I had been outside enjoying the natural world, or pushing myself to get in shape, or talking to my children -- will I wish any of these things when I'm 64? (Yes, another song.)

Oh, sure, I could talk about "consequences" -- because "How" I spend my time certainly relates to the consequences of that "How." But the existential consequence is that I did not spend the time doing something else.

"Carpe Diem" is not just a motivational tool. It is an exhortation to realize that a mortal only has Now. Make a conscious choice to use your time, because you only get one chance. It isn't "gusto" you have to grab, necessarily. But there is something out there to be seized today. Take a moment. Think about what that "something" is, for you. Then Seize it!

Need a Good Cry? I Certainly Did.

[Original Post 8/27/04]

This week, I listened to a song, and it brought tears to my eyes. I was not surprised. I am almost always brought to tears listening to "Hope for Resolution" ⁽¹⁾ from the album
"Christmas at Luther". ⁽²⁾ What I did not expect was how much better the tears made me feel.

I have had a stressful week. This is the sort of stress which causes one to get grouchy, say things one later regrets and then agonizes over, causing stress to heap upon itself. Once I started looking at why crying was making me feel better, I realized that I had not yet internalized the remorse I wanted to feel about the way I had treated others. I had also not given myself permission to feel bad about how I had been mistreated, and about the unfairness of life in the corporate world. And so, when I heard this piece of music, and the tears welled up, as they typically do, those little droplets did double or triple duty. They expressed my feelings about the music, but they washed the stress of unrealized sorrow away, as well.

This experience was an epiphany of sorts. I realized that a good cry, or at least a few well timed tears, could help me deal with stress. And I need as many stress reduction tools as I can
get. We all do, don't we?

Now, I am not the typical old fashioned male who thinks "Men don't (or shouldn't) cry." I have cried on occasion. My life is pretty good, so I don't have many reasons to cry -- at least not with tears of sorrow. And, truth be told, things do not affect me emotionally as much as they
affect others. So, I have not experienced the cathartic nature of tears as often as some people have. As I thought about the "Hope for Resolution" experience, then, I said to myself "Perhaps this 'discovery' was more personal than I first realized."

You see, what seemed strange was that the "Hope for Resolution" tears were not really tears of sorrow, yet they clearly helped me deal with sadness. "Hope for Resolution" is the final piece which was done in the Yuletide program, an annual Christmas concert at Luther
featuring all of its classical music ensembles, in 2002. That year, my oldest son, Adam, was a member of one of the choirs. Now, the piece of music itself is powerful and moving; perhaps on its own, it might bring some people to tears. For me, the musical beauty mixed with pride, nostalgia and love to create a powerful memory. I was so proud to see Adam standing up in the choir loft, clothed in his tux, smiling and singing. I felt nostalgic for my days in Luther choirs, and for the days when Adam was just a boy, not a young man. And, of course, the love I feel for Luther College is quite strong, but small compared to the love I feel for Adam, and for the three children I have yet to send there.

I associated tears with grief, or remorse, but here I was crying with joy and love. Yet the "good feeling" tears helped wash away the stress of the "bad feelings" which were weighing me down. I resolved to make a conscious effort to discover, and treasure, experiences like this.

And so, today, I am thankful. Thankful for the piece of music, for the men and women who performed it, for the people and God who inspired it, and especially for Adam and my children, who added so much to its meaning for my life.


==========================================


⁽¹⁾ The piece "Hope for Resolution" was composed by
Sean Ivory and Paul Caldwell. It has a moving history, which can
be found many places on the web. Here is one of those places.

⁽²⁾ This album can be purchased from DJ Records, which has a collection of
Luther College Choir music.

The King's Stilts

[Original Post 9/8/04]

The late, great Theodore Geisel (nom de plume: Dr. Seuss) wrote many excellent stories. This is not news. Many of them are allegorical, or at the very least, metaphorical. One of his lesser-known books serves me as an example of how I like to run my work life, as well as my leisure life. That book is The King's Stilts.

In this book, the King has a great work ethic. He gets up early, starts working, and "When he worked, he worked very, very hard." And he works very, very hard, all day, every day -- until quitting time.

At quitting time, he stops working, and he plays. And "When he played, he played very, very hard." And what does he play with? The King's Stilts, of course.

I think I need to build a motivational speech out of the many lessons this book can teach. In our culture, there seems to be an unwritten rule that, to be truly successful, you must devote yourself to your job and forsake fun -- or even outside responsibilities.

I think that some people can be that single-minded. But most of us need balance. And part of that balance is finding our "stilts" and playing with them regularly.

Like any good story, The King's Stilts has conflict. It centers around what happens when the King is convinced to give up his stilts. I will not spoil it for those who have not read the story, but beleive me, a King without his Stilts is not as good at his job.

I have several diversions, each of which provides me with something I need to be well-rounded and productive. I have games, like Magic, which challenges my mind. I have running, which keeps me fit, and gives me time to appreciate the outdoors. I have my DVD habit, which allows me to escape into someone else's imagination, while sharing time and experience with my family. I have fantasy football, which allows me to participate in a game I've always liked, but in a more strategic way -- and it's a common experience for my father and brother and myself. There are more, but the point is the same -- each of the activities refreshes me and builds me up so that I can go back to my job and work very, very hard.

What are your "stilts"? Do you view them as guilty pleasures? Or are they an acknowledged, welcomed part of your life?

In my view, they are blessings. Count them. Appreciate them. Enjoy them, Very, very hard.

Hobbies, Diversions and Judgments

[Original Post 9/8/04]

An Open Letter to My Son, the College Student

And others who are learning how to form opinions

... or ought to be learning

Part of growing up is developing opinions. As we get educated, formally or informally, we base our opinions on facts. And, sometimes, we base them on "truths" which we believe are self-evident. But often, our use of those "truths" and our strict reliance on "facts" blinds us to the value judgments we are making, and the effects those judgments have on others.

The case in point: You think cosmetics are a waste of time and money, and an injustice on women.

This point of view is not hard to understand, and an idealistic college student might certainly come to it reasonably. But, son, your mother sells Mary Kay cosmetics.

So, what am I saying? Am I suggesting your opinion is wrong because it conflicts with your mother's? No. Am I saying you should withhold your opinion because it might make your mother feel bad? Not really -- though taking the feelings of others into account is part of the message. If those are not my points, what is? I'll get there. Just a minute. (Patience is also something we learn as we mature -- or ought to.)

You sing in a Praise band. Why do you do it? To worship, certainly, but WHY? What is the point of the worship, and what are the results of worshipping in that way? Getting to the mundane reasons, you would certainly agree that you enjoy it. And, I suspect, you like participating in something which other people enjoy, too. I'm not saying that the praise band is a selfish indulgence. I'm saying that when you worship this way, you and others get happiness.

Yet, many people in the world do not believe in the God you worship. And many who do cannot understand someone who would devote time to this form of worship.

Perhaps the religious example is too extreme. After all, cosmetics are not a religion. (You did realize I was drawing a parallel, didn't you?) So let's use another.

You play computer games. Why? Here, we can quickly come to the base reason -- you enjoy them. Yet you know that there are many people in the world who don't get enjoyment from those games. And, further, you know that there are people who would criticize you for "wasting" your time on them.

Now, consider: Cosmetics and fashion are a pass-time, a diversion, a hobby of sorts. From their earliest years many people, especially women in our culture, become aware of personal beauty. As they grow, they begin to take enjoyment from the process of "dressing up." By the time they are adults, or even teenagers, their satisfaction with looking nice, or changing their appearance, is a part of who they are -- just as enjoying video games is a part of who you are.

If all the time and money which is spent on cosmetics were spent on [insert a worthy cause here] would it make a positive difference? Sure. But the same could be said about the money spent on video games, sports, and all the other things you enjoy.

We, all of us, need to recognize that tolerance is not just something we should exercise with the big issues like race and culture, but also with others who just happen to enjoy different activities. Each of us has things which make us feel happy, fulfilled, thrilled, content -- yet those same things do not have the same effects on others. But those things are important. Each of us needs them. And criticizing the needs of others serves no real purpose, and antagonizes them in the process.

There are some beliefs you will have which should be stated and held to throughout your life. Now is the time to figure them out. But as you are doing your analysis, sift through those beliefs to discard the value judgments based on your own preferences. It is about this sort of bias a wise uncle of mine once said "That is a matter of personal opinion; mine differing greatly from yours." "Belief" and "Opinion": You will live a happier and more constructive life if you can distinguish between them and advocate them with the strength each deserves.

Quotes

[Original Post 9/10/04]

On the door of my office, I have a space for a name plate. I suppose this is common in office buildings. Where I work, if you have a door, you have one of these name plate holders on the door. If you don't have a door, you have a holder on the wall outside your office or cubicle.

I haven't used my name plate holder to hold my name for years and years. Instead, I have quotes.

Why? Because sometimes I think things would be better if everyone I worked with were forced to memorize a few well-chosen words of wisdom.

My kids had to memorize verses from the Bible as they grew up, going to a Lutheran School. While this seemed, at times, like a meaningless chore, I have come to appreciate its value. Most of the "memorized" verses don't stick with them, but a few do. Which ones? By and large, the ones which speak directly to them about something important in their lives. The verses might provide comfort, or promote proper behavior, or encourage thankfulness, or express love, or build faith. But whatever they do, having those verses planted firmly in the mind helps the kids in their lives, for they can recall the words and ideas whenever such thoughts are needed.

I think the same can and should be done with other material which provides wisdom. My friend, Michael, quotes Shakespeare. Some quotes are merely excellent writing, but the best ones are excellent writing and show something about the human condition. The quotes I have on my door are meant to be the same.

And so, at times, I've decided I will post a blog entry with a quote. And today's quote is a perfect introduction to the many which may follow.

"All truly wise thoughts have been thoughts already thousands of time; but to make them truly ours, we must think them over again honestly, till they take root in our personal experience."

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Music - Touched by the Divine

[Original Post 11/9/04]

Today, I am listening to music again. And as I once again feel my soul overflow when listening to “Hope For Resolution” and “Agnus Dei” I am reminded of this quote:

“(Music) is no invention of ours: it is a gift of God."

Martin Luther

Like so many of God’s gifts, we can use it well, or poorly – for good, or for evil, or for nothing at all.

There is no proving God. Faith is required. Of this I am convinced. It is a core of my belief system.

Yet, it seems to me that the Spirit touches humanity, reaches into the hearts of individual men, women and children, in many ways. One of the most powerful of these ways is through music.

I am convinced that I could give an impassioned sermon, or attempt via a reasoned argument, to convince an unbeliever of the existence of God and the true blessing of salvation, and I would never have the success which could come from that same person hearing these powerful pieces of music.

A gift of God, indeed.

Pride - the Fatherly Kind

[Original Post 12/6/04]

Last night I had the opportunity to be exceptionally proud of my children again.

Our 10th annual Christmas Carol service was held last night, and we, the Grace Lutheran Church choir, did two pieces. The first was "Hope for Resolution." I've written about this piece of music before, but last night was the first chance to perform it for a large audience. My daughter Leah was one of eight or ten children who sang as the children's choir for that song. She, being one of the oldest, was a strong, beautiful voice -- holding long notes and helping the group stay in tune. She looked beautiful, and sounded even better.

Our second piece was an a cappella version of "Mary Had a Baby" with a soprano solo at the beginning. My daughter Sarah sang the solo, and was just plain outstanding. There she was, at all of her 5-feet-2-inches, in her Extra-Small polo shirt which is still too big for her, filling the huge sanctuary with her even bigger voice. Shivers. It gave people shivers. Wow.

Afterwards, I don't think I could have stopped smiling if you paid me.

Parenting has provided me a valuable lesson. I have been proud of many things which I have done in my life. The kind of pride I feel when I accomplish something is a selfish pride. It's not as if I'm boasting or showing off, but when I accomplish something, it tends to feel like I won something. As if I had been in a competition, and I bested my opponent.

Fatherly pride is quite different. My heart feels like it is swelling with appreciation and love. I am so happy for my child, rather than being happy with myself.

Each of my children has provided me many chances to have this kind of fulfilling pride wash over me. It is a gift, from them, to me - and I don't think they even realize it.

After the concert was over, as I was walking to get our coats, one of the members of our choir stopped me on the stairs. Wilbur is, oh, perhaps 65. He and his family are some of the very nicest people in our congregation. He just had to tell me how much he thought of our family, our children, and how we raised them. This meant a great deal to me, and I started realizing something: I could have reacted with the kind of personal pride I discussed first. But I didn't. Instead, that fatherly pride poured out. "Thanks," I told him. "They are great kids. I'm so proud of them."

And I am.