Toast

On Saturday, August 11, we held our 25th Anniversary party. It was a delightful time. Most of our extended family was able to join us, and several extended-extended family members came as well. We also had significant representation from our college friends, church friends, and buddies -- and that was really great. I think everyone who came had someone to chat with, when they couldn't be chatting with us.

I wrote a toast for the event, and delivered it at around 7:00. The remainder of this entry will be that toast. If you know us, and you were not at the party, feel free to read it. It was heartfelt.

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We’ve been looking forward to this landmark, this 25^th anniversary year, for a long time. And we’ve been looking forward to this party, this celebration, with all of you, since – well, since Sherry came up with the idea – but certainly for the past several months. I’m glad you could be with us.

You all know me pretty well, so you are probably not surprised that one of the things I wanted to do at this event was to give a toast. You see, I love to speak, but when we first got married, I didn’t realize that the wedding traditions included toasts. You see, we were pretty young. Considering Adam is 23 now, I guess I must have been what - 11 years old? Certainly Sherry couldn’t have been more than eight!

Anyway, here I had had a captive audience, a perfect opportunity to give a speech, and I let it pass without saying anything more than an “I Do.” In the end, of course, that was all I needed to say. And without a doubt, I’m exceptionally glad I said it! But if you’ll indulge me, I’d like to say a little more this time.

When I started thinking about what to put in this toast, I realized I had three topics I wanted to cover: Love, Marriage, and Sherry. For me, of course, they are all related. And for this particular toast, I think they’re all important.

First, let’s talk about Love. At a lot of weddings, here’s what you often hear about Love (from 1 Corinthians 13)

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

It’s hard to improve on that. As I was thinking about it, especially in the context of marriage, my marriage, our marriage, I thought about another way to look at Love. Love is patient and kind, for sure, but it’s also Alive. It has characteristics that make it clear that Love, real Love, is living. All those aspects of love in the verses I read make Love sound alove, but it’s easy to see why. First of all, it Grows. It’s almost trite to say, but it’s true, that on the day we got married, I couldn’t imagine my love being any bigger, deeper or stronger than it was that day. Yet it’s also clearly true that it has grown over time, like a living thing that grows from baby to child to adult; bigger, stronger, wiser. Love is also Alive because it reproduces. It makes new love relationships when children are born, and it causes other love relationships to form, as the people who are loved by the wife become loved by the husband, and vice versa. And, like a living thing, Love sustains and nurtures, helping people live through, or thrive in, circumstances that would be difficult or impossible without it.

Love. The Love we celebrate today has certainly done all those things for me, and for Sherry. It’s Alive.

What about Marriage? What do I want to say about that? For many of you in attendance, you know this stuff, whether you’d say it this way or not, because you’re in a good marriage. But I have an opportunity to talk to my children now, and, with any luck, they won’t interrupt me, since we’re not at the dinner table.

You’ve grown up in the environment of a good marriage, but the culture around you often trivializes marriage, makes it an after-thought, the somewhat natural progression of a romance, as if it just sort of happens. This is not the case. You’ve gotten tired of hearing us say that it requires work, so I won’t talk about that. Instead I’ll talk about ingredients that I hope you’ve seen in our marriage, and that you will be able to bring into yours, whenever they happen.

The first is Commitment and Constancy. Though they are often said in a kind of rote, mechanical, scripted way, the vows that are part of the marriage sacrament are all about commitment and constancy. Life is full of changes, highs, lows, happiness and worry. During the bad times, it’s important to know that the person you’re married to is committed to you. I know, without asking, that your mom is there to support me when I’m having a tough time. And I know that, no matter how tough a time I am having, I will be there for her when she needs me, whether we’re happy with each other or not. It’s a promise I made, a commitment, a covenant. Just as important, I am there for her, and she is there for me during the good times! People so often overlook this! I know that when I have good news, Sherry will be there to celebrate. And I know that my good news is not mine alone – I can’t hoard it selfishly – it belongs to her, too.

The second aspect of our marriage I hope you can have is Trust and Respect. This certainly includes trusting your mom to follow through on promises, and to not do things to harm me, but those are just the tip of the iceberg. I trust her to back me up, even when she doesn’t completely agree with me, and she can trust me to do the same for her. This is very big when you’re a parent. I doubt any married couple ever existed who both wanted to raise kids exactly the same way; your mom and I certainly have had different ideas from one another, but we respect each other. I trust, without any doubt at all, that the decisions she makes are with the best intentions. She respects my judgment, and I hers. We are truly partners, and we don’t ever have to worry about whether the other one respects us, because we constantly demonstrate it, and when we’re apart, we trust implicitly that the respect continues.

But of course, the final aspect I will mention is Love and Faith. I’ve already talked about it before, so let me just say this. I once heard that the greatest gift a father can give his children is to love their mother. Kids, if that’s true, it hasn’t been hard to give you that gift. I am confident that you’ve seen the love in both directions. And, obviously, being in our home all these years, you know that our Faith and our Love are inextricably linked.

Twenty-five years in this wonderful marriage, and the rest of our lives to come, it’s that constant commitment, trusting respect, and faithful love that sustain us.

And finally, I could not give this toast without talking about my wonderful wife, Sherry. After twenty-five years, it’s impossible to explain all the reasons I love her so much. Fortunately for all of you, I’ve built this toast around threes – three topics, three aspects of each – so I will talk about three things that make Sherry perfect for me.

First of all, she is different from me, but in ways that complement me. I am even-keeled; she is high and low. Without her, I could not have enjoyed life as fully as I have, because she has such high highs! And when she is in a Low Low, I know she can use my help finding her way back up. When I would just sit in an airport in Oahu for hours, waiting for our delayed plane to finally take off, she persuades me to go out and DO something, so we get to see Waikiki. Oh, and let’s never forget – she always wanted four kids, whereas I entered the marriage figuring on three. I suspect everyone here is glad she was able to “complement” me in that way! Hurray for Leah!

Secondly, though we are definitely different, Sherry is very much like me, in some ways. I can’t tell you how often we’ve marveled at how great it is that we both like Star Trek, Star Wars, Harry Potter, Babylon 5, Lord of the Rings, and Ender’s Game. And I know from many friendships with many men that I am truly blessed to have a wife who likes to – gasp – watch me – wait for it! – play video games! Folks, these are the kinds of things you will not get with eHarmony.com. There has to be divine intervention involved!

And finally, Sherry is loving, and willing to be loved. She gives of herself, she reaches out to people who others would ignore, and she still has plenty of love to give to her family, and always to me. And she’s appreciative of the ways I show her my love; the words I say, the cards I send – though they might be less frequent than the every-Monday pattern I started while we were dating – the gifts I give, the calls I make. She loves me, she shows her love to me and to others, and she makes it easy to love her in return.

She’s different, in exactly the right way. She’s similar, in exactly the right way. And I love her, exactly as I was meant to.

That passage in 1 Corinthians ends like this:

13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

And so, my friends, my family, loved ones all, thank you again for joining us in this celebration of love. Let’s lift our glasses and toast, to Sherry, to Marriage, and to the greatest of these – To Love!


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Originally published August 13, 2007.

Great Games in the Modern World

Thursday night, two of my friends and I played Diablo II and had a great time! We'll probably spend a good portion of our lunch hour today discussing our exploits. One of the amazing things about this experience is that Diablo II came out in 2000! ^[1] After almost seven years, the game holds almost all the thrills it had initially (it's only missing the "freshness" aspect.)

This got me to thinking about what it takes for a game to be "great" in our modern era. I think it comes down to a few attributes, and a game can be missing one of these and probably still be great.

1. Individualization.
2. Replay value.
3. Multiple goals.
   
4. Well disguised complexity.
5. Freshness.
6. Longevity.

To read the complete blog entry, click here. And for its follow-up entry, click here.

[Originally published 7/6/07]

Random Snippet

Every once in a while, my mind wants to produce a snippet -- a short piece of fiction which typically captures a mood. Today, this came tumbling out through my keyboard:



The tumbler rolled himself, a brightly colored ball of human contortion, from across the room. Directly in front of me, he sprang to his feet, a living jack-in-the-box, hands extended in upturned fists. I gazed at him quizzically; his lidless eyes and his forced smile were accentuated by his face paint, both threatening and tempting me. A slow tilted incline of his head urged me to look at his hands. I did. The left opened, slowly, to reveal the remains of a large spider, crushed, sticky and sweaty. As the fingers of the right hand began to loosen, I realized what must be inside. I turned; I ran; I screamed.

I don't think I made it to the door before I died.



Don't worry, not every snippet is quite so dark.

Have a great weekend.

[Originally published 7/13/07]

What Really Matters

Once again, on the way to work this morning, I heard the latest gossip about Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears. Uck. Who cares?

Then, scanning through the on-line news outlets, I see these articles:
Colleges need education about pregnant athletes
What does a health crisis look like? See Houston

These are things that really matter. But our favorite news outlets, and entertainment sources, responding to our desire to read fluff and pick the scabs of the famous, give us pablum.

Though my blog is not intended for examining news stories most of the time, I figured I would follow up with a few links and comments on one of these stories. Health Care is too big. I'll deal with pregnant athletes.

[To read the rest of the entry, from June 19, 2007, click here.]

The Time of My Life - Perspective #1

[Original Post 8/20/04]

Time.

"Now" is the only time. But it's already gone.

I have often thought about time. And when I typed the title "The Time of My Life" I realized I would have to differentiate this set of thoughts from others. (I also realized I can't think of that phrase without thinking of "Dirty Dancing" but that's a topic for another time.)

We humans seem to have trouble with this particular aspect of time: we only have a limited supply of it, and once any part of it is gone, it is irretrievable. It is past, in two senses of the word.

So when we spend our time doing anything -- and I mean anything -- have we given any thought to what we will wish we had done with that time, once our time grows short?

Right at this moment, when I am writing this, I am deciding not to do other things. Will I wish, tomorrow or next week or next year or when I'm 64, wish I had done something else with the time it took to write this?

Let's quantify it monetarily. In the time it takes to write this blog, I could go out to a brokerage site and buy 100 shares of some stock. A year from now, that stock will have done something. Because I spent time writing this, I did not get the gain, or take the loss, from that stock.

I have 400 pages of stories to read in "The Year's Best Science Fiction: 2003." I could pick up "Frankenstein" instead and try to get through it. Or I could go back to read "The Stand" again, which has been tempting since I saw the mini-series again recently. But I can't do all three at the same time. And once I've done any of them, will I wish I had been outside enjoying the natural world, or pushing myself to get in shape, or talking to my children -- will I wish any of these things when I'm 64? (Yes, another song.)

Oh, sure, I could talk about "consequences" -- because "How" I spend my time certainly relates to the consequences of that "How." But the existential consequence is that I did not spend the time doing something else.

"Carpe Diem" is not just a motivational tool. It is an exhortation to realize that a mortal only has Now. Make a conscious choice to use your time, because you only get one chance. It isn't "gusto" you have to grab, necessarily. But there is something out there to be seized today. Take a moment. Think about what that "something" is, for you. Then Seize it!

Need a Good Cry? I Certainly Did.

[Original Post 8/27/04]

This week, I listened to a song, and it brought tears to my eyes. I was not surprised. I am almost always brought to tears listening to "Hope for Resolution" ⁽¹⁾ from the album
"Christmas at Luther". ⁽²⁾ What I did not expect was how much better the tears made me feel.

I have had a stressful week. This is the sort of stress which causes one to get grouchy, say things one later regrets and then agonizes over, causing stress to heap upon itself. Once I started looking at why crying was making me feel better, I realized that I had not yet internalized the remorse I wanted to feel about the way I had treated others. I had also not given myself permission to feel bad about how I had been mistreated, and about the unfairness of life in the corporate world. And so, when I heard this piece of music, and the tears welled up, as they typically do, those little droplets did double or triple duty. They expressed my feelings about the music, but they washed the stress of unrealized sorrow away, as well.

This experience was an epiphany of sorts. I realized that a good cry, or at least a few well timed tears, could help me deal with stress. And I need as many stress reduction tools as I can
get. We all do, don't we?

Now, I am not the typical old fashioned male who thinks "Men don't (or shouldn't) cry." I have cried on occasion. My life is pretty good, so I don't have many reasons to cry -- at least not with tears of sorrow. And, truth be told, things do not affect me emotionally as much as they
affect others. So, I have not experienced the cathartic nature of tears as often as some people have. As I thought about the "Hope for Resolution" experience, then, I said to myself "Perhaps this 'discovery' was more personal than I first realized."

You see, what seemed strange was that the "Hope for Resolution" tears were not really tears of sorrow, yet they clearly helped me deal with sadness. "Hope for Resolution" is the final piece which was done in the Yuletide program, an annual Christmas concert at Luther
featuring all of its classical music ensembles, in 2002. That year, my oldest son, Adam, was a member of one of the choirs. Now, the piece of music itself is powerful and moving; perhaps on its own, it might bring some people to tears. For me, the musical beauty mixed with pride, nostalgia and love to create a powerful memory. I was so proud to see Adam standing up in the choir loft, clothed in his tux, smiling and singing. I felt nostalgic for my days in Luther choirs, and for the days when Adam was just a boy, not a young man. And, of course, the love I feel for Luther College is quite strong, but small compared to the love I feel for Adam, and for the three children I have yet to send there.

I associated tears with grief, or remorse, but here I was crying with joy and love. Yet the "good feeling" tears helped wash away the stress of the "bad feelings" which were weighing me down. I resolved to make a conscious effort to discover, and treasure, experiences like this.

And so, today, I am thankful. Thankful for the piece of music, for the men and women who performed it, for the people and God who inspired it, and especially for Adam and my children, who added so much to its meaning for my life.


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⁽¹⁾ The piece "Hope for Resolution" was composed by
Sean Ivory and Paul Caldwell. It has a moving history, which can
be found many places on the web. Here is one of those places.

⁽²⁾ This album can be purchased from DJ Records, which has a collection of
Luther College Choir music.

The King's Stilts

[Original Post 9/8/04]

The late, great Theodore Geisel (nom de plume: Dr. Seuss) wrote many excellent stories. This is not news. Many of them are allegorical, or at the very least, metaphorical. One of his lesser-known books serves me as an example of how I like to run my work life, as well as my leisure life. That book is The King's Stilts.

In this book, the King has a great work ethic. He gets up early, starts working, and "When he worked, he worked very, very hard." And he works very, very hard, all day, every day -- until quitting time.

At quitting time, he stops working, and he plays. And "When he played, he played very, very hard." And what does he play with? The King's Stilts, of course.

I think I need to build a motivational speech out of the many lessons this book can teach. In our culture, there seems to be an unwritten rule that, to be truly successful, you must devote yourself to your job and forsake fun -- or even outside responsibilities.

I think that some people can be that single-minded. But most of us need balance. And part of that balance is finding our "stilts" and playing with them regularly.

Like any good story, The King's Stilts has conflict. It centers around what happens when the King is convinced to give up his stilts. I will not spoil it for those who have not read the story, but beleive me, a King without his Stilts is not as good at his job.

I have several diversions, each of which provides me with something I need to be well-rounded and productive. I have games, like Magic, which challenges my mind. I have running, which keeps me fit, and gives me time to appreciate the outdoors. I have my DVD habit, which allows me to escape into someone else's imagination, while sharing time and experience with my family. I have fantasy football, which allows me to participate in a game I've always liked, but in a more strategic way -- and it's a common experience for my father and brother and myself. There are more, but the point is the same -- each of the activities refreshes me and builds me up so that I can go back to my job and work very, very hard.

What are your "stilts"? Do you view them as guilty pleasures? Or are they an acknowledged, welcomed part of your life?

In my view, they are blessings. Count them. Appreciate them. Enjoy them, Very, very hard.

Hobbies, Diversions and Judgments

[Original Post 9/8/04]

An Open Letter to My Son, the College Student

And others who are learning how to form opinions

... or ought to be learning

Part of growing up is developing opinions. As we get educated, formally or informally, we base our opinions on facts. And, sometimes, we base them on "truths" which we believe are self-evident. But often, our use of those "truths" and our strict reliance on "facts" blinds us to the value judgments we are making, and the effects those judgments have on others.

The case in point: You think cosmetics are a waste of time and money, and an injustice on women.

This point of view is not hard to understand, and an idealistic college student might certainly come to it reasonably. But, son, your mother sells Mary Kay cosmetics.

So, what am I saying? Am I suggesting your opinion is wrong because it conflicts with your mother's? No. Am I saying you should withhold your opinion because it might make your mother feel bad? Not really -- though taking the feelings of others into account is part of the message. If those are not my points, what is? I'll get there. Just a minute. (Patience is also something we learn as we mature -- or ought to.)

You sing in a Praise band. Why do you do it? To worship, certainly, but WHY? What is the point of the worship, and what are the results of worshipping in that way? Getting to the mundane reasons, you would certainly agree that you enjoy it. And, I suspect, you like participating in something which other people enjoy, too. I'm not saying that the praise band is a selfish indulgence. I'm saying that when you worship this way, you and others get happiness.

Yet, many people in the world do not believe in the God you worship. And many who do cannot understand someone who would devote time to this form of worship.

Perhaps the religious example is too extreme. After all, cosmetics are not a religion. (You did realize I was drawing a parallel, didn't you?) So let's use another.

You play computer games. Why? Here, we can quickly come to the base reason -- you enjoy them. Yet you know that there are many people in the world who don't get enjoyment from those games. And, further, you know that there are people who would criticize you for "wasting" your time on them.

Now, consider: Cosmetics and fashion are a pass-time, a diversion, a hobby of sorts. From their earliest years many people, especially women in our culture, become aware of personal beauty. As they grow, they begin to take enjoyment from the process of "dressing up." By the time they are adults, or even teenagers, their satisfaction with looking nice, or changing their appearance, is a part of who they are -- just as enjoying video games is a part of who you are.

If all the time and money which is spent on cosmetics were spent on [insert a worthy cause here] would it make a positive difference? Sure. But the same could be said about the money spent on video games, sports, and all the other things you enjoy.

We, all of us, need to recognize that tolerance is not just something we should exercise with the big issues like race and culture, but also with others who just happen to enjoy different activities. Each of us has things which make us feel happy, fulfilled, thrilled, content -- yet those same things do not have the same effects on others. But those things are important. Each of us needs them. And criticizing the needs of others serves no real purpose, and antagonizes them in the process.

There are some beliefs you will have which should be stated and held to throughout your life. Now is the time to figure them out. But as you are doing your analysis, sift through those beliefs to discard the value judgments based on your own preferences. It is about this sort of bias a wise uncle of mine once said "That is a matter of personal opinion; mine differing greatly from yours." "Belief" and "Opinion": You will live a happier and more constructive life if you can distinguish between them and advocate them with the strength each deserves.

Quotes

[Original Post 9/10/04]

On the door of my office, I have a space for a name plate. I suppose this is common in office buildings. Where I work, if you have a door, you have one of these name plate holders on the door. If you don't have a door, you have a holder on the wall outside your office or cubicle.

I haven't used my name plate holder to hold my name for years and years. Instead, I have quotes.

Why? Because sometimes I think things would be better if everyone I worked with were forced to memorize a few well-chosen words of wisdom.

My kids had to memorize verses from the Bible as they grew up, going to a Lutheran School. While this seemed, at times, like a meaningless chore, I have come to appreciate its value. Most of the "memorized" verses don't stick with them, but a few do. Which ones? By and large, the ones which speak directly to them about something important in their lives. The verses might provide comfort, or promote proper behavior, or encourage thankfulness, or express love, or build faith. But whatever they do, having those verses planted firmly in the mind helps the kids in their lives, for they can recall the words and ideas whenever such thoughts are needed.

I think the same can and should be done with other material which provides wisdom. My friend, Michael, quotes Shakespeare. Some quotes are merely excellent writing, but the best ones are excellent writing and show something about the human condition. The quotes I have on my door are meant to be the same.

And so, at times, I've decided I will post a blog entry with a quote. And today's quote is a perfect introduction to the many which may follow.

"All truly wise thoughts have been thoughts already thousands of time; but to make them truly ours, we must think them over again honestly, till they take root in our personal experience."

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Music - Touched by the Divine

[Original Post 11/9/04]

Today, I am listening to music again. And as I once again feel my soul overflow when listening to “Hope For Resolution” and “Agnus Dei” I am reminded of this quote:

“(Music) is no invention of ours: it is a gift of God."

Martin Luther

Like so many of God’s gifts, we can use it well, or poorly – for good, or for evil, or for nothing at all.

There is no proving God. Faith is required. Of this I am convinced. It is a core of my belief system.

Yet, it seems to me that the Spirit touches humanity, reaches into the hearts of individual men, women and children, in many ways. One of the most powerful of these ways is through music.

I am convinced that I could give an impassioned sermon, or attempt via a reasoned argument, to convince an unbeliever of the existence of God and the true blessing of salvation, and I would never have the success which could come from that same person hearing these powerful pieces of music.

A gift of God, indeed.

Pride - the Fatherly Kind

[Original Post 12/6/04]

Last night I had the opportunity to be exceptionally proud of my children again.

Our 10th annual Christmas Carol service was held last night, and we, the Grace Lutheran Church choir, did two pieces. The first was "Hope for Resolution." I've written about this piece of music before, but last night was the first chance to perform it for a large audience. My daughter Leah was one of eight or ten children who sang as the children's choir for that song. She, being one of the oldest, was a strong, beautiful voice -- holding long notes and helping the group stay in tune. She looked beautiful, and sounded even better.

Our second piece was an a cappella version of "Mary Had a Baby" with a soprano solo at the beginning. My daughter Sarah sang the solo, and was just plain outstanding. There she was, at all of her 5-feet-2-inches, in her Extra-Small polo shirt which is still too big for her, filling the huge sanctuary with her even bigger voice. Shivers. It gave people shivers. Wow.

Afterwards, I don't think I could have stopped smiling if you paid me.

Parenting has provided me a valuable lesson. I have been proud of many things which I have done in my life. The kind of pride I feel when I accomplish something is a selfish pride. It's not as if I'm boasting or showing off, but when I accomplish something, it tends to feel like I won something. As if I had been in a competition, and I bested my opponent.

Fatherly pride is quite different. My heart feels like it is swelling with appreciation and love. I am so happy for my child, rather than being happy with myself.

Each of my children has provided me many chances to have this kind of fulfilling pride wash over me. It is a gift, from them, to me - and I don't think they even realize it.

After the concert was over, as I was walking to get our coats, one of the members of our choir stopped me on the stairs. Wilbur is, oh, perhaps 65. He and his family are some of the very nicest people in our congregation. He just had to tell me how much he thought of our family, our children, and how we raised them. This meant a great deal to me, and I started realizing something: I could have reacted with the kind of personal pride I discussed first. But I didn't. Instead, that fatherly pride poured out. "Thanks," I told him. "They are great kids. I'm so proud of them."

And I am.

Little Girl No Longer

[Original Post 4/26/05]

Transitions. Life is full of them. Last night, this father witnessed the approach of another.

The Century Concert Choir held their spring concert the evening of April 25. It is the final local concert for my daughter, Sarah, as a high school student. In five weeks, she will graduate, and then head off to college. Seeing her perform with the group to which she has devoted so much time, energy and passion over the past three years would have been moving enough, but last night went beyond that.

The concert was set up in two segments. In the first, the Concert Choir sang five pieces. They performed with excellence, as usual. Sarah had a solo in one, and another was the F. Melius Christiansen version of “Beautiful Savior” which had been the traditional alumni song at the Decorah High School Christmas concert when I was in that choir. The second segment was for “Senior Recitals” – choir members who will be graduating performed alone or in groups, showcasing their individual musical gifts. It was during this portion of the program that my “little girl” served notice that she is, indeed, growing up.

Sarah and her boyfriend Vang reached center stage to perform the sixth piece in the Senior Recital program. They locked hands, half facing each other, and half facing the audience, and sang a duet – a love song – with such feeling that it was clear to everyone in the audience that this was no mere performance. If anyone attending did not know that the two of them were a “couple” before the song, I’m sure they were convinced by hearing these two. Their voices blended perfectly. At times, Sarah was on melody, in her pure soprano voice. At other times, Vang’s tenor took the lead and Sarah dropped into an alto sub-harmony. Smiling, expressive, dynamic, and moving, the two delivered the highlight of the evening.

Here she was, my little Sarah, announcing to the world, to her friends, and to me, that she is growing up, moving on, and will soon be emerging as a young woman who is ready to explore the full passion of life, to break away from the comforts of her childhood home and make a new place, her own place, in the world.

Welcome to the rest of your life, Sarah. You are ready. God bless.

Christmas Music

[Original Posting 8/18/05]

Anyone who knows me well knows I love Christmas music.

This year I didn't start listening to it until after we returned from "The Lake" -- so I made it until August.

Funny thing is that in this current job I really need Christmas music in August.

My job gets very intense and stressful a couple of times a year -- and August is one of those times.

The serenity of "Agnus Dei" or "Breath of Heaven", the energy of "Emmanuel" or "Angels We Have Heard on High", the hopeful joy of "Hope for Resolution", the exaltation of "Joy to the World" -- it is all a comfort when struggling with the demands of budgets, politics, and demanding schedules.

And when I'm about to send kids off to college, it's great to have something to look forward to; "Til the Season Comes Round Again" and "Christmas Lullaby [I Will Lead You Home]" put me in the right frame of mind to say "goodbye, but only for a time."

Second-hand Swearing

[Original Post 9/22/05]

If you're reading this, you probably know me, and so you will believe my assertion:

I don't swear. I don't use vulgarity.

It may be hard for some people to believe, but I don't even think those words.

Well, actually -- that used to be true. Unfortunately, it's not anymore.

The change? For the past 16 months I've been working in an environment where several of the influential people use "blue" language frequently.

"F-word" and "s-word" get said so frequently that I have, unfortunately, found myself reacting to negative situations by having those words pop into my head. They haven't made it through my filter to pop out of my mouth yet, and I hope I can keep the filter intact, but it's frustrating to me that my brain has been infected in this way.

Sigh. I guess I will just have to deal with it.

Rats!

And the First Shall Be ..... First

[Original Post 10/3/06]

Adam has moved out.

This is very, very strange.

As you no doubt know, Adam graduated from Luther last spring. He came back home to live with us until he found a place. In some sense, we were actively "pushing" him out. It's something Sherry and I decided to do for our kids long ago -- we believe that the analogy of a mother bird pushing her chicks out of the nest to force them to fly is apt. We knew it would be emotionally hard to see one of our kids move out. And, for me at least, it was. But we know it's ultimately for the best.

I expected to miss him immediately -- and I do. Somewhat strange, since I have seen so little of him lately -- his schedule and mine just don't provide much opportunity for seeing one another. Yet, of course, I knew I would have a feeling of nostalgic longing, mixed with parental pride. And I have that. In spades.

But what is unexpectdly working at my mind is how Adam is the one who gets to go through all this stuff first.
I mean, it makes sense, of course, but nevertheless, it's remarkable how many life milestones I reach which are directly connected to my firstborn.

This does not mean I do not mark, or feel, the milestones with the others. Lucas going off to college was a big deal. Sarah -- same thing. Leah getting dressed up for her first formal dance. They all affect me.

But when I first notice a new chapter in my life, it's almost always connected to Adam.

I wish him well, and I am amazingly proud of him.

Now, if I can just deal with the "missing."

Steve’s Top 10 TV Series of all Time - Part 1

[Original Post 12/8/06]

What makes a TV series a candidate for this list? First of all, it’s “Steve’s” – it’s mine. So clearly, the series has to have these attributes:

1. I saw it.
   
2. I enjoyed it, a lot.
   
3. I remember it (especially while I’m creating the list.
   

Point 1 means I won’t be considering some shows that many people would put on the list. The Sopranos may top some lists, but I didn’t see it.
Same goes for Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Seinfeld gets excluded for a similar reason. I’ve seen some of it, but I have not even seen half the episodes, and I rarely watched it during its first run. [After seeing some shows which made my list of series to consider, I will have to reexamine this exclusion.]
And, given my age, any series which aired before 1966 or so is not going to get on my list. This leaves out I Love Lucy and The Honeymooners, which is probably too bad. Not to mention Edward R Murrow's news shows.

Point 2 should be obvious, but I felt I needed to state it, for completeness. I’ve seen a bunch of Wheel of Fortune in my time, but have I enjoyed it enough to even consider it? Get real.

Point 3 is my “cover my rear” clause. I am sure to forget some great show. Further, I probably loved a show 20 years ago, but I won’t think of it while I’m writing this.

Beyond those three primary rules, what causes me to consider a show for the list? Well, maybe the thing to do is just generate a list (unordered for now) and then see what happens.

Shows for consideration

Star Trek (the original series)	Star Trek: the Next Generation	Battlestar Galactica - the recent SciFi Channel show	Stargate: SG1
Hill Street Blues - In case you thought I only consider SciFi	M*A*S*H - Yes, I consider comedies, too.	Babylon 5	ER
Lost	Heroes	Nowhere Man One season only. What a shame.	Quantum Leap I include it, but...
The Cosby Show	Newhart - though it's tough to decide between this and The Bob Newhart Show and maybe they should just both be on the list.	The Carol Burnett Show	Scrubs - with caveats. I'm breaking my own rules by listing it. But they are MY rules.
Frasier - though I must admit I haven't seen them all, either.	St. Elsewhere - Does anyone remember when Denzel Washington was a fresh face? Or when David Morse was the sensitive and victimized doctor? Or Howie Mandel - with hair - in a semi-serious role?	Family Ties - has to be in the discussion. Alex P. Keaton for goodness sake. And talk about a mom who's "got it goin' on" - Meredeth Baxter!	All in the Family - Funny and important.
Columbo - Another rule-breaker. It was never, truly, a series.	The X-Files - has to be on the list.	Star Trek: Deep Space Nine - If ST:tNG is on the list, this must be too!	Star Trek: Voyager - Can't make Top 10, but ...
Enterprise - Its percent of good episodes is probably higher than ST: Voyager's.	Survivor - my favorite "game" show. And it overcame my initial preconceptions.	thirtysomething which was un-missable.	The Cosby Show
The West Wing	Sports Night - short lived but very well written.	NYPD Blue	24 Gripping.
Kate & Allie	3rd Rock from the Sun	Perfect Strangers - Balki and the "Dance of Joy"!	Monty Python's Flying Circus
The A-Team Great? No. Great fun? You bet!

It was enough work to create the table. I think I'll leave the rating for another time. In fact, I will leave some parts of the table blank so I can fill in with shows as they occur to me.




-------------------------------

I've made significant additions to this since it was first posted. I may re-post at some point, but for now, it's easier to revise it in place.

Top TV Series

[Original Post 12/7/06]

A couple weeks back, the e-mail pals (to whom I refer as "Milords") discussed a topic that made its way into the discussions of my lunch pals (the "Dudes") as well as the dinner table (the "Family")

It would be fun to document some of that discussion. I won't be quoting anyone (at least not without permission) though I will likely mention points which were discussed.

Anyway, to document something I said at the beginning of the conversation, here's a quote from an e-mail I sent to Milords ("BG"=Battlestar Galactica - the current series on SciFi; "B5" is Babylon 5; "H" is Heroes, which got us started on the topic):

It seems very American to want to classify things as "better" or "worse" than other things. We seem obsessed with Top 100 lists, and get into silly (but fun) discussions as to whether Archie Bunker is really a better TV character than Lucy, or Homer Simpson, or whatever.

I could certainly make a case for BG being the best TV series ever. This, of course, assumes that it continues with its current quality until it completes. Yet I would be willing to entertain other suggestions -- B5 was excellent for its time, and if considered without its 5th season, certainly competes (though not in acting, I think -- Olmos could act circles around Boxleitner.) Other series that would enter into consideration for me: The West Wing, M*A*S*H, Star Trek, -- I'm sure there are more -- probably shows from the 80s. We discussed this at lunch yesterday, prompted by Mike's comments. Shawn nominates "The Sopranos" but I have only seen an episode or two of that. I might consider "X-Files" and "ST:tNG" though there were some real stinker episodes, and BG has just had one episode that was less-than-great (in my opinion.) I hear "Seinfeld" was excellent, but I saw it sporadically. And I really do think the first 5-6 seasons of "All in the Family" were hilarious, and important in its time period. "Sports Night" was one of the best written comedies I've ever seen -- but it only lasted two seasons, and its humor was obviously "my kind" of humor and not appreciated by enough people.

Maybe we should develop our own lists: Top Drama, Top Comedy, Top Medical, Top Law, Top Sci-Fi -- with the 10 best in each!

Nah -- we don't sit around enough bars having debates to make it worth the time... :-)

So I think I will put some entries in about "Top" shows. It could be fun. Maybe the blogosphere is close enough to a "bar" -- or as close as we're going to get!

Things I Miss

[Original Post 1/12/07]

Things I miss:

• Lucas driving home from work with me.
  
• Leah playing catch with me while I grill.
  
• Sarah's "Hi, Daddy."
  
• Adam's smirk.
  
• An anniversary get-away with Sherry.
  
• Basketball tournaments.
  
• The pace of Christmas vacation, 2006.
  
• Being able to eat anything, any time, in any amount.
  
• Decorah - the good parts.
  
• Potato Lake - ditto.
  
• Friday golfing with Dad.
  
• Mom's chicken & rice.
  
• Getting absorbed in D&D.
  
• Collecting comics, and caring so much.
  
• ... things better left unsaid.
  

I am blessed to have had them. And I'm doubly blessed because I can still have some of them again.

Rating the movies

[Original Post 1/31/07]

As an introduction:

I keep track of things. Not all things. I'm not that compulsive. But some things.

I keep track of

the DVDs I own. In fact, I keep track of when we've seen them most recently (though, again, I'm not compulsive -- I know I miss tracking some viewings.)
And I keep track of the movies I've seen. I have a Word document that has the movies I've seen since June 14, 2000.
I keep track of them in a table, like this:

Title	Rating	Type	Date	Actors	Notes
Akeelah and the Bee	86	D	1/25/07	Laurence Fishburne Angela Bassett Keke Palmer	OK, so it was somewhat predictable, and some of the conflict relied on a too-detached single mom, but the acting was very good, and the emotional payoff was great. And “Javier” was priceless.
Click	59	C	1/25/07	Adam Sandler Christopher Walken Kate Bekinsale	If only Sandler weren’t so enamored with the crude humor, I could have liked this enough to recommend it. Honestly, how funny is it seeing a dog humping a stuffed animal? Again. And Again?
Monty Python's Life of Brian	82	C	1/26/07	Graham Chapman John Cleese Eric Idle Michael Palin Terry Jones Terry Gilliam	Still funny after all these years. The humorous takes on the infighting are some of the best parts. But the very best part is the ending song!

As you can see, I rate each movie with a number. The scale is 0 - 100. In general, a movie needs to get above a 70 before I would recommend it, and generally movies in the 70-80 range would carry conditional recommendations -- I'd recommend it if I knew a particular person liked something that the movie provided.

I try to make a small comment -- a micro-review -- about most of them.

The hardest part of the whole process is assigning a number, and the examples above demonstrate the difficulty. Do I really think "Akeelah and the Bee" is better than "Monty Python's Life of Brian?" Well, it's hard to say. "Brian" means more to me, and on my own, I'd watch "Brian" more often. But for the general viewer, "Akeelah" is going to be more enjoyable. Still, one of the things I try to do is rate the film very soon after I saw it. "Akeelah" got its rating this way -- it's a very emotionally satisfying film, and I may have rated it slightly higher because of the "high" I was on. "Brian," on the other hand, I first saw many years ago, but just recently saw it on DVD. It aged much better than some films from my youth, but I'm clearly ranking it with many years to come down from the initial "high" it engendered.

Nevertheless, I'll keep doing this. It's fun to go back and think about movies I've seen. It's fun to rate them, even if I do have to think "Is 'Brian' better or worse than 'Monty Python and the Holy Grail?'"

Now the stage is set. I could post these micro-reviews in the future, and I have already introduced the "why and how."

Enjoy, if you can.

The Three Pitfalls - Why the LCMS is shrinking and will continue to do so

[Original Post 2/6/07]

Once upon a blog, I posted some topics that I might address. This topic is one of them, and is clearly the “heaviest.” I doubt I can do it justice, but let me give it a try. Since the topic is serious, and its discussion is lengthy, I will talk about the first pitfall today, and leave the others for subsequent entries.

I am a member of a congregation, and that congregation is a member of the Lutheran Church Missouri Synod (LCMS). By rule, that makes me an LCMS Lutheran, but in my heart, I am not. In many ways, I feel like an outsider in my denomination. As I look at what makes me uncomfortable, I believe I recognize some of the reasons that the LCMS is shrinking. There are many symptomatic reasons, but the three primary reasons are Intractability, Hyper-Exclusivity and Anti-Humanism. Unfortunately, these words do not describe the situation well enough, so examples are required.

Intractability: The first example of this, and the one which surprises non-LCMS Christians most, is the refusal of the LCMS to allow women to be pastors. The issue has been raised several times over the past half century, but the decision has consistently, and recently, been to continue this policy. A tract is available from the LCMS documenting the rationale for the decision, but when it is examined closely, it has very little biblical basis at all. The biblical support, if applied consistently, would not allow women to do a great many things in the church. This, of course, was the situation up through the first half of the 20th century in most LCMS congregations, but the needs of the ministry made it clear that a reversal was required. Women, of course, should be allowed to be lay readers, vote, serve on boards, chair boards, and so on. Yet, the pastoral Call is still denied them.

In the end, the justifications for refusing to recognize that a woman could have a Call from the Holy Spirit to be a pastor are really just rationalizations to keep the status quo.
Many long-time LCMS members will tell you they can’t imagine having a female pastor; they would be uncomfortable with one. But discomfort with “something” doesn’t make the “something” a sin. In fact, it is possible that the discomfort is the sin.

Meanwhile, the world (at least the Western world, and increasingly the Eastern and Middle-Eastern worlds) recognizes the value and equality of women in all areas of life, and those enterprises which embrace them most grow from it.

This is but one example where the inability of the LCMS at large to change is causing it to become less relevant, and to expose the underlying tendency to value long-standing rules on par with revealed truth. This was the way of the Pharisees, and was anathema to Jesus.

In fact, one common thread in all three of the pitfalls is this tendency toward putting tradition, or rationalized rules, at a much higher position than I believe is acceptable. And that will be evident when I discuss the next pitfall.

Future Toast

[Original Post 4/23/07]

This weekend, I got an idea for the "Father of the Bride" toast I could give at Leah's wedding reception.
Leah is currently sixteen years old, and not even close to getting married. But I got the idea nonetheless.
Since it's possible she might some day read this, I have to leave out the details. But it relates to something she once gave me, and I now have it stored safely with some memorabilia so I can find it again in, say, ten years.

And what about a toast for Sarah's wedding reception? Have I gotten that far? Not yet. I have thought for years that Sarah and I ought to write a father/daughter wedding duet, and sing it at her wedding. I remember mentioning it to Sarah once -- I wonder if she remembers.

Yet, it's Adam who will get married first. Hmmm, I wonder if people still do those toasts? A co-worker of mine says his daughter did it last year. Once they have all the other stuff planned, I'll have to ask Adam and Marisa about it.

On the other hand, it might well be that I'll be too choked up to give a toast anyway. Last week at choir we practiced a piece for which Sarah sang the solo in 2000. I remembered the song well because the first time we performed it, I couldn't really sing once the solo began. I just listened to Sarah and realized I was too caught up with pride to be able to sing.

Can I imagine being able to speak at the kids' wedding receptions if I couldn't sing during a normal church service?

Old softie!

Happy Birthday, Adam

[Original posting 4/30/07]

Twenty-three years ago today, it was the first day of Final Exams for my second semester in the Masters program at Purdue. I didn't have any exams that day, so Adam decided to be born, four weeks early. I was already inclined to place "family" higher on my priority list than most other things, but this event certainly helped start my fatherhood out on the right course.

A few things I will always remember about that week:

• After leaving the hospital that day to go back to Married Student Housing to try to study for my exams, I turned on the car radio. The song which was playing: "Let's Hear it for the Boy." FEver since then, I've always thought of Adam when hear that song.
  
• I did better on the finals I had that week than I had done on any of the other tests I had taken previously at Purdue. It makes no sense -- I certainly didn't feel like I was more focussed.
  
• Sherry got to stay in the hospital for four or five days. In those days, insurance paid for whatever the hospital said was necessary. There were so few babies in the maternity ward (I think Adam was the only one for a while) and the nurses knew they would be sending a first-time mom back to a student father -- they wanted to keep mom and baby a few days to let everyone get some needed rest.
  

And now, Adam's working full-time. The wedding date has been set for June 21, 2008. He owns a home. He's one of my favorite people. And he still helps me keep my priorities straight.

Well done, son. Happy birthday!